Something

To be alive already in itself is a bizarre concept.

We often take things, this life, for granted, rushing through it forgetting to stop and acknowledge that this is the only life that’s given to us as this specific individual. On top of that- to be a thinking organism, how should one wrap ones´ head around that? To think that we’re able to think!
Fortunately it’s said that we really only think, or even use our brains, a fraction of what we would be capable of.
Sometimes I’d want to be able to use it more. (Sounds funny, be able to use my brain more, like someone would be stopping me.) Though at the same time, it’s scary as shit. Already my thoughts sometimes scare me, things that float up from the unconscious without any warning. What was that? Where does that come from?

This morning I understood something new. Something that made me cry. I had been pondering about it for a long time, and was aware of it, but there is a difference between knowing something and fully understanding it. We can know a whole lot of stuff but when it finally sinks in and we comprehend what it’s about, is the first time we understand it and realize that we haven’t understood it before.
This was the case today.
My incomprehension wasn’t the reason for crying, it was the realization of wrongly behaving towards a loved one, because of the lack of understanding the reasons behind their way of behaving.
Talking about years of wrong kind of behavior from both parts towards one another. From this person towards everyone and from everyone towards this person.
What makes it even worse is the fact that I believe no-one understands it’s wrong. Not that they’d be simple or stupid, but because, I believe, no-one has stopped to figure this out from the ground. We all had our beliefs, thoughts and reasons why and acted accordingly.

The realization of this all came by mistake. Something that’s probably been brewing and processing in the subconscious for years and got triggered by an unexpected event the day before.